Why You Shouldn't Tell Your Best Friend About Your Husband's Affair

Discovering your husband's affair is an agonizingly painful experience. The person who made vows to love you and look after you has betrayed you in the worst possible way. You feel as if you are being sucked down into a whirlpool of emotions. As you sink deeper, you experience anger, pain, shame and fear. You have lost your self-esteem. Your mind is full of hateful disgusting images of the affair.



You desperately need somebody to help you. You need a compassionate person listen while you pour out your pain and anxieties. Who can you trust? You can no longer turn to the person who was closest to you; the person you thought was your soul mate for life has cheated on you. Who should you talk to?



The first people you will think of turning to will be your closest friend or a female relative. If you have been in the habit of confiding in a sister or cousin or a girlfriend, it will be natural to think of turning to them. Sisters, cousins, and girlfriends are a strong part of your personal support group. You can rely on them to be there when you need them. But it is not a good idea to share all the details of your husband's infidelity with your closest friends and relatives. It is best not to discuss the details even with your best friend.



For some time after the discovery of your husband's affair, you will be in no state to think clearly. You are in a state of deep emotional turmoil. Your feel as if your whole life has been turned upside down and shaken. You are at the mercy of the violent emotions that sweep over you in great waves. You won't be in control. You will say things you don't mean and will regret when you move into a calmer phase.



You will probably say very harsh things about your cheating spouse. This is quite natural for women who are in shock after discovering their husband cheating. Talking in that way does no harm when you are talking to an unbiased advisor. It is different when you are unburdening yourself to your best friend.



When you rage about your husband's behaviour, your best friend will show compassion. But she is likely to reflect your attitude. If, for example, you say your husband is a no-good two-timer, your best friend will almost certainly agree that he is all that and worse. She will probably add some advice about how you ought to leave your spouse, and how much better your life will be without him.



This mirroring of your feelings is what a friend will do. It shows empathy; it shows she is on your side 100%. But it is not an unbiased response. Your friend might even secretly feel that your husband is basically a good guy and deserves another chance. But she is not going to contradict you and plead your husband's case in the interests of fairness. Her role is to support and comfort you, not argue with you even if logic says you are heading in a wrong direction.



When the pain has decreased, you might desperately want to get back with your husband. But your friend's advice will cloud your judgement. You will find it hard to forget her harsh criticisms of your spouse. Should you try to rebuild your marriage or should you take your friend's advice and dump your cheating husband? Unfortunately, your well-meaning friend has added to your worry and confusion.



When you are in this horrible predicament, you need to be able to turn to your friends for comfort. But you should not burden them with the secrets that should remain locked within your marriage. Friends will understand your position if you simply tell them you and your husband are having problems and you are working on healing the relationship. Friends can help you get over the pain and deal with your negative emotions without learning all the sordid details. Sorting out your future and making life changing decisions needs the help of a professional relationship counselor.





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You

can find help and unbiased advice on dealing with your husbands

affair easily online. A doctor with over 35 years of experience

working with couples in crisis has developed a program to help couples survive

an affair. His free course can be obtained at http://survive-affair.com

where you can also pick up a free guide to healing after an affair.